today is the greatest day in the history of the world

ofcourse it is-even though my eyebrows could give martin scorcese a ride for his money, even though in a shortwhile i have to give up my borrowed car,even though my girlfriend is miles away and i cant honk her gorgeous nose-irregardless of all these extraneous factors and even though i'm not entirely certain i used the word irregardless properly i am here to say that hands down today is the greatest day in the history of the world.

why?

why?

lets see...because i got up this morning. because everytime i've walked past a mirror today there i was. because i know that if i check my inbox there'll be hullos from friends and the same on my voicemail. because last time i looked out the window-which was just a second ago the sun was shining and the sky was blue and i could see a hammock hanging between two orange trees and because in my imagination just now i saw those two orange trees as trees that were orange and because orange is my favorite color. i have a favorite color. i'm almost 47yrs old and i still care enough about my favorite color to refer to it as my favorite color and because i had the most beautiful thanksgiving ever and because theres still more delicious pecan pie left and because i didnt play boggle which i wouldnt have minded so much but the alternative was so much better and so much dirtier too... what a life huh? no different than yours i'm sure and i'm not even being sarcastic.

tomorrow i'll tell you about my insane fear of tuberculosis and why even as a great artist i think i can do without it.

i should probably eat a sandwich

im really concerned the wifi here at starbucks might drive me nuts-im afraid to write alot cause ive got a feeling posting might not happen and then ive just wasted my time opening up,making myself vulnerable and having it all be for not-is that even really an expression-for not? feels stupid asking and feels stupid caring-what do i care about? at the moment nothing-this cup of coffee-get the little bit of drawing i wanna do done and then getting on my bike and finding a little adventure-maybe a pirate ship but my knee is feeling weird so dealing with pirates would probably be lame fun-id complain the whole time and bum everyone out. starbucks is getting really crowded all of a sudden-i think its the after church crowd. anyhow i have nothing that im willing to give out today so maybe i'll just cut my losses here and just stop

i cant stop eating long enough to blog

blog is such an unpleasant word-its almost blob which is a movie i love-the original with steve mcqueen ofcourse-im gonna say thats one of my top 5 of all time-my top 5 of movies that do not star either the marx bros or woody allen ofcourse. i saw the help yesterday with my mom which im gonna predict right now is gonna sweep the oscars next year-atleast best picture and best actress-not exactly a sweep but the fact that im commenting on something as stupid as the oscars is a clear sign that ive had too much lasagna tonight-its one in the morning and im still eating-im thinking about another cup of coffee-not the bob dylan song so beautifully coved by the white stripes but an actual cup of coffe which i will steal from my sisters kitchen just as soon as im done here. i gotta finish shaving my head too-ive only been able to do about half of it because the clippers keep dying on me-i look like some krishna devotee-which i am to a certain degree in that i love to chant hare krishna-ive never been down with the aethetics of it-having the wrong body type i feel to wear the robes-that and im too hairy for robes-maybe ill shave my back tonight-it couldnt hurt-im starting to look like a gorilla in my old age-a gorilla minus the gorilla physique-im not complaining. thats it for now.

dunno what to do

this is the constant dilemma-no plan. mostly i just wanna pick up my check and then hop on the LIRR and head out towards copiague. id haveta do laundry first cause every good drifter needs clean underwear. the dilemma is this: id feel ungrateful. id feel like i was ditching my brother and his girlfriend but the truth is i dont wanna drive in a car upstate for three hours with people i dont and barely know. i dont wanna deal with cigarette smoke i dont wanna deal with interrogation i dont wanna deal with shit. i just wanna throw on my walkman and go-that simple. maybe i call my bro and let him know. i want the adventure of aloneness. i wanna work on my book and i wanna see copiague again. okay ill make a few calls and get a plan going. sweet.

alright, no more working in a warehouse

i cant stop eating. i just had a really shitty piece of cake my brothers girlfriend made-i dont feel guilty saying that because it came right out of a box so duncan hines or whoever is really the guilty party-she baked it outta love shitty box cake is shitty box cake no matter who cooks it and no matter the motive. i've moved onto some left over pasta from last night which is infinately more gratifying-just a drop of olive oil and big clump of feta cheese to enhance the otherwise naked bowties. delicious. i keep on thinking i have so much to say but i really dont.m im just into the moment. i like to type even though i do it like a spaz using only two fingers. it minimizes spelling errors which always make me resentful towards myself. i kinda wanted to write about working in a warehouse all week long at the us open but i cant really seem to get to it-ive already shared most of the funny stuff with friends so i feel like id just be repeating myself here-which is why i hate doing stand-up anymore-i feel like when i do stand up if im not completely being spontaneous and free that im putting something over on the people watching. ive always resented comics whod get so bent outta shape cause people were talking or heckling-interrupting their well rehearsed bullshit about their mothers and fathers or girlfriends or neighbors or whatever else made up bullshit they were serving up. i mean im not one to knock creativity but if theres no creativity to knock id rather hear what the hecklers gotta say-atleast that shits fresh off the cuff. i wanna go doodle now.

i swear im gonna try and have some fun today

right now im gonna avoid any gruelling phone calls. plus im not gonna spellcheck greulling even though im certain its misspelled. next im gonna shower. then im gonna get the heck outta this prison ive placed myself in. my batteries about to die so im gonna post this and go find some fun. im afraid its gonna be tough cause ive gotten myself into such a negative funk. i feel guilty all the time. its so fucking stupid.